Wrote this for a contest put on by an online magazine on the topic
of long-distance relationships. Nothing has come of it so far--it seems
the contest was to draw publicity for the magazine, which had not actually
been launched. Not sorry I wrote it, though. And at least there wasn't an
Love is a song, just as implied in the cliche about lovers "making beautiful music together."
When we first fall in love, that song is strong and indeed beautiful, echoing
through our hearts. It's a transforming experience, and as we perceive
the essence of the beloved, we feel far more in touch with our own essence, or soul.
But what often happens is that we think we need the other to be and act
a certain way to "hear" this music and feel the feelings. And most of us take
it for granted that we need to be physically with the other for the song's
continuance. What we need to realize is that the song is in us, the love is in our
hearts, and separation is an illusion. To our five-sensory selves, this seems
ridiculous, but not to the quantum physicists such as John A. Wheeler, who said: "There's
no out there out there."
Excerpted from The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot:
In 1982 a remarkable event took place. At the University of Paris a research team led by physicist Alain Aspect performed what may turn out to be one of the most important experiments of the 20th century.
You did not hear about it on the evening news. In fact, unless you are in the habit of reading scientific journals you probably have never even heard Aspect's name, though there are some who believe his discovery may change the face of science.
Aspect and his team discovered that under certain circumstances subatomic particles such as electrons are able to instantaneously communicate with each other regardless of the distance separating them. It doesn't matter whether they are 10 feet or 10 billion miles apart.
This phenomenon is called "non-locality." As it relates to affairs of the heart, it also means
that we are always in communication, always inwardly connected. In fact, my all-time
favorite book about love relationships, by Carol K. Anthony, is titled Love, an Inner
Connection. She makes the point that in a true love relationship, the two are able to
feel the connection even when they are thousands of miles apart. When we no longer
feel this, it is because we have allowed doubts, fears, and other manifestations of the ego
to get in the way. Love and ego dominance just don't mix. Unfortunately, love is
particularly subject to control by the ego, or as it is sometimes called, false personality.
"The love relationship, of all relationships, is the most threatening to the ego pride
system," writes Anthony. "It is, therefore, vulnerable to the ego's attempts to control it. For that reason, and despite the fact that love is the one experience which most exposes us
to growth and fulfillment, it is also the most avoided of relationships. No other relationship is as capable of destabilizing the neat, orderly world of the ego." The perfection of love and transcendence of ego comes with the deep knowing of oneness with the beloved. As
the great poet Hafiz wrote in one of his "ghazals":
O wind, if you're passing through
the resplendent rose garden,
be sure to blow this message
to our beloved:
"Why have you coldly thrown us out
of your heart?
In time, even our name
will escape you."
O Hafiz, the beloved's heart
is one with thine,
thus, you can never be apart.
Let your tears flow,
gentle as the dove, radiant as wine,
scattering the seeds of what you know
for the bird of reunion to feed on.
The message of rejection and indifference is from the ego, while the assurance
of oneness is the song and the poetry of love.
So the pitfalls of long-distance relationships are really not so different
from the pitfalls of love relationships in general. Currently, the old paradigms in our
world, our old ways of doing things, are crumbling, making way for the new. We can see
this with the economy and many other aspects of our lives, including relationships.
The Internet is certainly a big part of this--it is now usual for us to connect with people
living on the other side of the world, and we often find we feel more in sync with them than with the next-door neighbor. I also see that rather than being defined by our relationships, we are moving toward becoming more centered in ourselves.
For example, it is far more acceptable these days to remain single, and it
is understood that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely.
The "song-distant relationship" is one where we believe we can only hear the song
of our heart and feel the joy of love when in the presence of the beloved. But when we listen with our inward ear, see with our inward eye, and open our hearts to the love that is always there for us, we can soar with that song and that joy. Then, we realize (real eyes) we are always connected, always one, and at the same time, complete and whole in ourselves.